


what words can do

by Alecazam05



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Trans Male Character, female to male trans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24160546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alecazam05/pseuds/Alecazam05
Summary: this is about a trans teen, who is constantly scolded by his mother, but in the process, he builds a good relationship with his dad.WARNING: mentions of SELF HARM, SUICIDE and BODY DYSPHORIA
Kudos: 2





	what words can do

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: mentions of SELF HARM, SUICIDE and BODY DYSPHORIA
> 
> this is the first part, I hope I'll be able to update every week or so, but that all depends on the amount of work my teachers decide to give me, so yea. enjoy. there will be criying involved.

I am me, that’s how I’ve always been. But since puberty, my mother stopped agreeing with the fact that I am who I am. the fact that I came out as trans probably has something to do with that. When I told my mom this what she said, and I quote: ‘oh god, you’re not transgender are you?’ I burst out in tears and all she could do was scold me for how I was making HER life harder because of this. My day didn’t say anything. What he did do, is sit there, watch me cry and watch my mother yell at me for being who I am. Later that night, my dad sent me a tex message: “I accept you for who you are, all I want you to be is happy”. Thanks dad, couldn’t you just have said that while I had the urges to stab myself in front of the both of you? My mom needed to hear those words, from you, because if I were to say them, she would call me egotistical for asking such a thing of her. The weeks after she kept telling that I needed to show some respect for the person who does everything for me. At the beginning, I just ignored those accusations, but they started to get herder and harder to ignorer every time she says them. One day, I said to myself: ‘those words are going to be the death of me one day’. 

Today, I’m out to my friends, I’ve lost most of them in the process. They try to be supporting, but they have no idea how. There is one friend, just one, who remained by my side and she promised to do so for as long as she could. She calls me by my preferred name and pronouns as much has possible, even when she doesn’t necessarily had to use my name, she does, because she knows that it makes me feel better. She just has to look at me to know that I’m not in a good place. I need that sort of person in my life. A person to distract me from all the bullshit that’s going on at home. 

When I go home, I have to go by bus, I sit alone, usually by the window, listing to music that is way too loud. I’m happy that I have to take the bus, because I can make my homework at school, and I just tell my mom that the bus was delayed, again. She just looks at me with the most despicable look in her eyes. I’ve started to translate that as: “I don’t care where you are, as long as you do whatever I tell you to.” After school, I go to my room, and cry, a lot. My friend knows, so she usually calls me 10 minutes after I get home. I really appreciate that. I really think that she’s saved me from death more times that my parents should’ve. 

A couple of days ago, my dad heard me crying. That was the first time I ever attempted self harm. I was sitting underneath my desk with a knife in my hand. When he walked into my bedroom, he ran downstairs, to get the key to my room. He ran upstairs, entered my room and locked it. I tried my best to hide the knife, but it was already too late. He just sat there and hugged me, we didn’t talk, we just hugged. We sat there for about half an hour, he left only when I stopped sobbing. When he was about to leave, he said: ‘I’ve been where you are, just know that you can talk to me, Son.’ He didn’t give me a chance to reply and just left. That was the best thing that ever happened to me at home. From that day on, my dad and I would give each other looks during dinner, my mom got really annoyed and demanded to know what was going on. My dad kept it quiet, he just said it was an inside joke of a tv-show we were both watching, I decided to back him up the best I could. After that, my mom decided to leave us be. Although we could both see, that she really didn’t like it. My dad and I also liked to go for lang walks late in the evening. My mom didn’t even care. She just let us be. A good mother would’ve al least told me that it’s really irresponsible to go out late at night, because I would have to get up at six in the morning the next day. No, my mother would just give me a disappointed stare. I had a good time with my dad, it was a good day to forget about all the bad things of the day and talk about the possible god things in the future. My dad started calling me by my preferred name and pronouns as well. He’s such a good parent. The walks were a thing I would look forward to all day. I even started to stay at school until I’d be just in time for dinner. All I’d have to do is try to not kill myself from 7PM to 10PM. That sometimes was a challenge. Because my mom would take most of the three hours I was home to scold me for making her life worse, talking me I’m the most irresponsible and lazy child she’s ever seen. She also couldn’t stop pointing out that I was gaining weight. She blamed it on the walks. Although it’s a still a mystery to me how walking for two hours would cause me to gain weight. 

Once in a while, I’d still let my mom get to me, but the cutting almost never happened again. But if it happened, it was usually only one cut. Now, I have 5 cuts on my left wrist. There are some smaller ones, but hey come from the furry little bastard I own. His name’s buddy, because that’s what he is to me. A buddy for life. He doesn’t care about what’s in-between your legs, or what’s on your chest, he’s just exists and tries to get the most out of his life. I would love to be able to do that. I always tell myself the following: just three more years in this hellhole, and then I can leave. Finally, I will be able to live my life to the fullest, I will be able to do what I want to do, and to whatever my homo and transphobic mother tells me to do.   
She always tells me how she’s not transphobic, but she just thinks it’s weird and wrong to want to change your body you your gender. You’re born this way and you apparently can’t do anything about that. She also thinks that a person with a female body is not allowed to wear clothes from the mens section. Because “it doesn’t fit their bodies”. That is the biggest amount of bullshit I’ve ever heard. That’s also why I Never go shopping with her, because she will force me to waste money on clothing I will never wear anyway. When I go shopping, I do it with the friend I was talking abut earlier. We go directly after school, every month on a Friday, so that I can buy clothes I actually like. I do have to hide them form my mom though, I’m sure that if she finds them, she’ll set them on fire or something. I hide them in my dads closet, the one place my mother doesn’t inspect in the entire house. And because I have to get up at six AM to make it to school in time, I don’t see her in the mornings, only when I get home, and she doesn’t even bother to look at me when I get home. She really doesn’t care about me, although she says I’m the ONLY thing she cares about in this world.


End file.
